The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
