you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
