Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
and eventually we just all took our pants off
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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