Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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