The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
