barbara walters just said penis...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
