I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
