Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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