Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
