You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
