I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
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All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that