but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.