and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
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i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
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You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.