ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.