Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
