afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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