the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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