I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
