I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
