Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
