2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
