I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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