Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
