Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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