It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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