I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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