So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize