Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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