I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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