Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
