youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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