Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
