I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
