Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
