If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
