we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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