Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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