Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
