ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sponge bath it is.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
