I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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