i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
