I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
where are you?
Hypothermia
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
