R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
