So drunk its hurt
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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