Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
