her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
