He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
