How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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