I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
