I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
