im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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