Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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