So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
