my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
