It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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