youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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