Your mouth is God's brothel.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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