the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
