I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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