i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
