I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
