Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
