I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
