Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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