At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Drake has all the answers
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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