What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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