I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
