WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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