Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
