my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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