I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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