you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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