he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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