I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
